General Smitty hires mercenary, sabotages White Sox Dave in the Common Man Cup

Just when I thought that all the drama with the HooliganZ would calm down due to Glenny Balls being on special assignment in Tempe, the ultimate betrayal took place. General Smitty, a pillar to the honor and passion that so many virtual soldiers lack these days, sent a hired gun after his oftentimes teammate, White Sox Dave.

It all went down on Wednesday night in the Common Man Cup, where WSD was competing among some of the best Call of Duty players in the business. It was going to take all Dave had to bring home ultimate glory. Dave’s team would have to catch every break and Dave would need to play the game of his life. So what did the General do when WSD’s squad got off to a hot start? He sabotaged him at every turn.

That’s right, the man legions of Twitch followers look to as an example of how to battle the right way had sent a mercenary after his former brother in arms. What could make Smitty do such a thing? Jealousy? Power? An irresistible urge to create mischief? The answers will have to wait as the Philadelphia native hasn’t been seen on the internet airwaves since the CMC wrapped up on Wednesday night with a team led by TouchPapa bringing home the title.

At least WSD was able to finally put his tormentor in a body bag. If Skullface was still stalking the HooliganZ’s loyal puppy, I don’t know if I’d be able to sleep at night.

In other gaming news, we’re a week away from the release of Super Mario 3D All-Stars. While I’m excited to see Super Mario 64, Super Mario Sunshine, and Super Mario Galaxy all running in high definition, my enthusiasm for the collection isn’t what it could have been. I was expected more graphics upgrades and bonus features instead of what we ended up getting. Plus, it doesn’t look like I’ll be playing Galaxy with the Pro Controller.

In order to control the star cursor and collect star bits in Galaxy, you need to use the Joy-Con controllers. This isn’t the end of the worst, but the Joy-Cons aren’t nearly as comfortable or precise as the Pro Controller. Of course, the Wii Remote was never the most ideal form of control and it was required for the original release, so the Switch version might still be an improvement.

I’m also worried about Sunshine because with no GameCube controller support, the analog shoulder buttons are out the window. Those were integral in controlling FLUDD in the original game. You could lightly press the button to shoot water while running and then click it to stand in place while the joystick switched to control your aim. It was a great use of those analog shoulder buttons that are now a relic of the GameCube era. I’m still wondering how Nintendo will replace the mechanic on the Switch’s controllers.

I’m still picking up 3D All-Stars regardless because I’ll consider it a vital part of my Nintendo collection, so maybe I’m part of the problem. Nintendo knows that the release of these classics from the vault will result in massive sales even if there aren’t adequate solutions for my controls-obsessed brain. On the other hand, it’s not like I’m not going to have fun with these games.

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